Romantic Relationships Challenge
Just like programming a computer's operating system, all the breakdowns and bugs and gliches and ultimate failure of our relationships comes down to starting with bad inputs.
Garbage in, garbage out.
Nearly all of the problems in your relationship or marriage started with the fact that YOU never consciously and intelligently picked anyone to love. Like almost everyone, you simply settled with the person that showed interest in you first that you also found decently physically attractive.
Yep, that was all it took. All the other things you tell yourself afterward were just rationalizations.
The truth is, you NEVER had a plan or a crystal clear concept in your mind about what kind of person you wanted to love. More than just a sense of humor and what they looked like. You had no idea of their character because you had few clear ideas on how to identify the good characters from the baddies.
That's why I'll start with giving you the smartest and clearest insights to help you sanely, brilliantly, and even sneakily IDENTIFY and SELECT your best possible forever marriage partner.
NO ONE seems to have the cojones to tell you what you really need to know when it comes to CHOOSING who to date and who to ultimately commit to.
But everyone knows the concept of garbage in, garbage out, don't they? Yet they keep giving you their lame garbage ideas about what maketh a good mate or how to fix or work with a bad one. All I see are the most one dimensional and flaccid suggestions that show no clear insight, wisdom, or experience.
Not me. That ends here.
STOP HURTING YOURSELF LOVING THE WRONG MAN OR WOMAN
I'll help you spot the trash a mile away and avoid joining them in the dumpster fire life they will set you up to live with. It'll be harsh to hear, but it'll be unvarnished zero BS and it will save you so much agony and time in the long run.
BUT, it'll also be as simple and quick as a formula using what I call your own personal ZERO FACTORS.
No matter how great and wonderful YOU are (although, let's get real, you probably need some work, too, so we'll get to that!), you cannot have a successful and happy marriage by going into it with a bad person.
Yet most people "choose" by simply falling for the first person that already seems to be falling for them.
That's not choosing.
That's not even settling.
Settling implies you thought things through and then accepted they didn't meet some of the key things you were looking for.
WE TEND TO FALL FOR THOSE WHO SHOW US INTEREST FIRST
The truth is, you were never really looking for anything . . . but love.
Like most people, you'd never given the idea of what kind of person would make your most compatible partner any more thought than that. You just wanted someone to love you. Love you for you, just the way you are. Like Bridget Jones.
That's the ideal. And there is nothing wrong with that. We all long to be loved. Except the band Queen, who really got the spirit of it right when they sang, "Somebody to love."
We all have a lot of love to give. But we want most to be loved. We in fact NEED love. Need it. God knows that's what I wanted most!
So what typically happens to us is the moment someone seems to be showing US some love FIRST . . . we fall. Fall for it, that is.
"Nothing is more interesting than be interested," by college speech professor Dr. Chan used to say all the time. And it's so true! So I'll teach you how to make this your secret weapon for winning the heart of EXACTLY the person you choose for yourself.
But in the meanwhile, that's why the reality is you've always only ENDED UP with someone.
You NEVER choose!
START OVER WITH SOME "MINIMUM BASIC STANDARDS"
Like I tried to help my own mother understand—after her 6 marriages plus 3 additional broken engagements (seriously)—you gotta start with some minimum basic standards. Even Bridget Jones had some, some pretty good ones. But then they failed her because she completely ignored them anyway the moment a cad who "embodied all these things" showed some interest in her.
See what I mean? Art imitates life, my friend. If you're tired of living a B-movie romantic life, you have to start with your own minimum basic standards . . . AND STAND BY THEM.
These should be really big obvious things that help every great person immediately eliminate all but a few potential partners from their consideration. Yet, that's not what I tend to see.
Shockingly, A LOT of people looking for love still screw up from the beginning because they don't take these "obvious" things into account.
I'm willing to bet you might still be falling for a few "obvious" mistakes, too. But not for long.
I am so very sorry you've probably been through hell already. Maybe you didn't think you deserved better than whatever person found you attractive first. You were so wrong. Not your fault though. You didn't know. Next to NO ONE is telling us all what to REALLY look out for.
Well, I'm Here to Tell You, Honey
Through my books, courses, and Locals.com community video podcast, I will share most of these big, obvious (and yet somehow puzzingly not obvious) "minimum basic standards."
But I will also take you deep under the hood into the character clues nearly invisible to the average lovelorn fool. Once I point out these tell-tale signs for you to look for, you will realize how they were there all along just under the surface . . . trying to slap you in the face and wake you up.
You'll never be able to unsee them again, and you'll feel so much relief and totally empowered that you will never be so easy to fool again.
Create Your Own Simple Formula for YOUR True Love
With these insights, you'll be able to create what I call your 'Zero Factors.' This will be your own personalized formula for your most compatible life-long partner in love, the best kind of person you have the best chances of building a successful marriage, family, and career together with.
AKA, your true love. True, because you started with being true to yourself.
So forget about short-sighted dating standards like:
- good looks
- their current job
- their car
- taste in music
- who their family is
- how much money they earn right now
All of that can change.
And all of that won't lead to a happy marriage . . .
. . . but many other less obvious or overlooked details yield enormouse clues to something far more important:
WHAT they are or what they HAVE in the moment should hold little to no weight at all because those things are infinitely changeable.
Instead, your search criteria should be all about WHO they are that makes them the most compatible with who YOU are. Because that is what is most unchangeable. That is what you can build a foundation on.
Like Dr. King said, it's not about the color of the skin but the content of the character we should judge our fellow men and women by. The outer stuff is just a mask. It doesn't matter.
WHO we are is what really counts. It's the glue that holds a happy marriage together, or the poison that kills love.
Get the WHO right, and all the rest of your life together with your true love will work itself out rather easily.
CHARACTER LEAVES A MILLION TINY CLUES
So how do we spot our most compatible true love, the person with the level of character we desire most in a life-long marriage?
Ever heard, "who you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you say?"
WHO we are—our character—will mostly control our actions, words, and—most tellingly of all—our automatic re-actions.
And it's paying attention to those actions and knee-jerk reactions that will give us all the clues we need to discover who we are really dealing with behind whatever mask they might be wearing.
Now, smart "players" and con artists are aware of this and will often very cleverly cloak their true character behind the "right" actions and words to fool you. But I'm telling you, if you know what all to look for, they can't hide everything.
It's just too much to try to cover up everything that's screaming out in big and tiny ways who you really are. No one can keep up a perfect facade.
YOU just have to be determined not to rationalize away the tell-tale signs when they do peep out from time to time. Before it's too late.
UNMASKING THEIR CHARACTER FOR YOU
The who that's right for you will obviously be different from the who that's right for me. That's why your Zero Factors formula may be very different from mine.
I'll share with you all kinds of clues, and you decide which ones resonate most with the character you want in your true love. Just don't forget to ask yourself why you want that, too, and be honest with yourself.
I will teach you the many incredible clues and tell-tale signs of good character you should start to look for in a potential mate. Many of which I just know you will wholeheartedly agree with, and many you will be surprised you never noticed.
Before you even agree to a first date, I will help you identify your own personal dating 'Zero Factors' to make dating easy, less time-wasting, and more productive. You'll have your own simple equation for first date success.
And as the relationship progresses, you'll know exactly what clues and signs to look for at each new stage of the relationship—things that might have been invisible to you before—that will shout loudly now either "keep going" or "run for the hills!"
So that when you say "I do" you will know you are binding yourself to a total love winner, a true shooting star. You will be giving yourself, your new marriage, and your future little ones the BEST POSSIBLE SETUP for success.
Now, that really was the hardest part. Mazel tov!
So then you are married. And new challenges come along. What now?
There are 6 more challenges every married couple must learn to navigate.